Thanks Alex, I’ll take "Idiotic Sex and the City Questions" for $100

Why is it that every Australian girl between the age 18 and 45 feels compelled to ask me questions about “Sex and the City”? 

·         Is New York really like that

·         Do all the chicks drink Cosmo’s at lunch

·         What is with their outfits, do you guys really dress like that

Since I moved 9,935 miles away from New York City I thought I would be sufficiently insulated from the Sex and the City nonsense which would infiltrate NYC every time a new season would come out, or even worse, a feature length movie. 

Now, Giuliani was the best mayor New York City has ever seen, he crippled the mob and replaced piles of trash on the streets with piles of tourist cash in the revitalized 42^nd street area & Times Square.

All this progress didn’t come without a price tag.  What started to unfold halfway through his tenure didn’t seem to rear its ugly head until Rudy was well out of office and Bloomberg was at the helm.  What I am referring to are the droves of foreign and domestic tourists who flock to our fair city eager get a glimpse of typical location shots the show used such as Central Park or the Chrysler Building, apparently Carrie Bradshaw had a thing for Big and he of course lived in the Chrysler Building. 

Now I spent 2-3 years working in the Chrysler Building on the 28^th and 31^st floors and didn’t run into Chris Noth once…  Guess who I did run into though, packs of girls that were mid 20’s to late 30’s from Ohio, Indiana, or Sydney (you should read that as “enter any non-relevant place in the world here…”) with cameras in hand snapping pics of the lobby and reminiscing with each other about how in season 4 episode 7 Carrie stood in this exact spot! 

What’s news to me was that a highlight for female tourist in the aforementioned demographic is the “Sex and the City” tour which is a $45 dollar drop in the bucket…  Seriously?  You know what I didn’t do when I arrived in Sydney (and still haven’t), I didn’t ask where Neo - aka Mr. Anderson hung out just because they filmed The Matrix trilogy here.  I could care less, it’s a movie.

I have run into plenty of high profile people in New York including athletes, actors and actresses.  One memory that stands out was when  I was waiting at the light to change at 42^nd and Lex, I looked to my right and noticed Harrison Ford was standing right next to me.  I did a quick double take, confirmed it was him, he caught me do that so I just gave him the simple head nod of acknowledgement.  Once the lights turned I continued on with my business and easily beat him across the street as he was hobbling around like he was still on the Regarding Henry movie set; post head shot…    

Seeing Indiana Jones right next to you is pretty cool, taking a picture of the stoop located at 238 East 72nd Street is a whole other thing all together…  Yeah yeah, that’s the real address girls; I just did your research for you and saved you $45 on the tour! 

Thank me later with a beer at the pub, I’ll be the guy with the funny accent making smug remarks about Sarah Jessica Parker and the Melbourne Cup Horse Race thats coming up next week…

Tipping

 

I hear a lot of Australians talk about how they want to travel to the US, they want to visit places like New York City, Las Vegas, LA, Miami, San Francisco, and New Orleans.  Inevitably the topic of tipping comes up and I am frequently asked about general tipping guidelines when hailing a cab or hitting up bars and restaurants.

Many Aussies have told me they stress out about the tipping culture and feel that everyone will have a hand out and the trip will cost a lot more than expected. 

Now I am usually approached about this topic by Aussie’s that have university degrees in varying fields that say they feel overwhelmed about figuring out what 10-20% of a bill would be.  Now I don’t think it takes a Fields Medal winner or Will Hunting to figure out what 10% of a bill is, honestly it’s just moving a decimal point one spot to the left…  

Real Example

Aussie:  Hey mate, what if my bill is $25.00 for lunch and a few schooners of beer, what do I do then?

Me:   Alright alright, first off Crocodile Dundee, get with the program, we serve pints in the US, leave the schooners, vegemite and boomerangs home, they won’t make it through customs.  Now let’s break out the abacus and solve this mystery, take the $25.00 move the decimal one spot to the left and there you have it, $2.50 which is a 10% tip.

Aussie:  What if the service was excellent, I have heard 20% is a generous tip for a great effort. 

Me:   Hmmm…  Do you still have that abacus in front of you?  Alright just do the math on the 10% and then double it.  Easy as… Problem solved!  Let’s hit the pub. 

 

Fact:  Sydney, Melbourne, and Perth all ranked higher than New York City on the global cost of living index released for 2012 (by about 20 spots…) 

 

Aussie’s don’t understand the bartender buy back either.  They all come back from overseas trips with stories of the best bartenders in the world; they are friendly, attentive, strong pourers, quick with drinks, and even give them free drinks!  They all love it, it made them feel special, everyone loves getting great service. 

Bottom line is the US culture rewards hard work through tipping, where the Australian culture pays their bartenders or waitress’s $20p/h with no expectation of tips and ultimately the service suffers dramatically.  There is no reward for going over and above and creating a positive customer experience.

I love Australia but I have to say it is one of the worst places when it comes down value for money and service in the food, beverage, and hospitality industries…     

 

Dude Where’s My (Bar) Car?

Recently I have been bouncing between my office in the Sydney CBD (central business district) and the northern districts office by train and have come across some serious issues that need to be addressed.  I know I know, I wrote an entire post on the trials and tribulations of Sydney transport so I am not about to go off on that same tangent on overcrowding, exorbitant costs, and lack of real air conditioning. 

After riding the rails to and from work for the last 2-3 weeks I have noticed one glaring issue with the train service in Sydney and it is completely unacceptable.  There is no Bar Car on any of the trains….  

I get it, you don’t need a cold one to make it through a 15 minute/3 stop train ride.  What I am talking about are train lines that have their furthest stops about an hour to an hour and a half away. 

 

When I asked fellow professionally dressed commuters what trains have the Bar Cars on them I got blank stares in return! 

 

I didn’t ask them to solve a long equation on the spot, there wasn’t a mention of global warming issues, and I certainly didn’t start the question off with “If a train leaves X station at 6:15pm going 45mph and another trains leaves Y station at 6:20pm going 30mph…"  you get it.  All I wanted to know is when the next train came that had a Bar Car on it, plain and simple.

So there I was on the platform with dumfounded commuters, I felt I had to explain how awesome Bar Cars are and the life changing experience of having the Choice to tackle the commute home while enjoying a drink with people who are putting in long hard days as well.

Aussies have failed to recognize the friendships and bonds that can be formed by absolute strangers that are in similar situations sharing a relaxing and communal experience.  The idea that the Aussies have a drinking culture heads and shoulders above other countries is a complete sham…  Lack of Bar Cars proves this without a doubt… 

God Bless the Metro North train service.  Anyone that has experienced the bar car knows what I am talking about!

 

Best of the Best: Famous Aussie Actors & Musicians!

I am going to assume we have all heard about the President Obama birth certificate issue, if you haven’t hear of it then you won’t be reading this post as you haven’t emerged from the rock you have been living under.

Now I am not here to rehash anything that Donald Trump and his epic hair already covered.  To be honest I could care less where Obama was born, this isn’t a political blog. 

The core issue I want to cover is based on perception.  People’s perception about where the celebrities they worship are from.  Australian’s are a proud people and are always looking to make it known when one of their own makes it big in music, movies, or TV in the United States.  Actors such as Mel Gibson, Nicole Kidman, Russell Crowe, and Hugh Jackman all come to mind when thinking of Aussie’s who have made it big on the silver screen.  Musicians such as Keith Urban and groups such as Men at Work, The Bee Gees, and AC/DC are ‘Aussie As’ right???  Let’s have a look. 

Mel Gibson

 

 

 

 

Australian’s love to claim recently troubled actor Mel Gibson as their own and no one really questions that he is Australian.  Actually Mel Gibson was born on January 3^rd 1956 in Peekskill NY.  The fact checkers I use let me know that Peekskill is about an hour or so north of New York City on the eastern banks of the Hudson River. 

Nicole Kidman

 

 

Despite her ridiculous marriage to the shortest Scientology guru in Hollywood is without question an Aussie.  Hell she is married Aussie Keith Urban and even stared in the 2008 hit Australia.  I hate to break the news but Nicole Kidman is as American as Barack Hussein Obama – literally…  They were both born in Honolulu, Hawaii only 6 years apart!  Nicole’s three children are also US Citizens as well. 

Keith Urban

 

 

 Let’s stay on track and talk about Keith Urban who is a country music legend.  I have to say I don’t even follow country music but I know exactly who Urban is and to be honest when his music comes on I really enjoy it!  I guess I am a closet country music lover…   If you Wikipedia Keith Urban, you will learn he is a country music singer, songwriter and guitarist whose success has mainly been in the United States, Canada, and Australia.  A little more reading will reveal that Keith Lionel Urban was born on October 26th 1967 in Whangarei, New Zealand.  Yes New Zealand, not only a backdrop for Lord of the Rings movies, it’s actually a real country, a sovereign nation.  Bottom line, Keith Urban is a Kiwi not an Aussie.  

Russell Crowe

 

 Action films are always a hit and Russell Crowe has made a great living for himself after staring in Gladiator in 2000.  Hell if he isn’t Australian I am really going to have to look into the genealogy of kangaroos and the history of the boomerang!  The Aussie’s tried to pull another fast one on the world by claiming him as their own.  Crowe was born in Wellington, New Zealand on April 7^th 1964 and his grandmother traces her lineage back to the Maori’s (New Zealand Natives) and His grandfather is from Wales.  Neither of which are Australian in any way shape or form. 

Men At Work

 

 

Is there a song more Australian then “Land Down Under”?  We all know the song and it is almost impossible not to sing along when for some strange reason it hits your radio while you are driving.  Collin Hay is a front man and lead singer for Men at Work who released Land Down Under in 1982.  Collin was born in 1953 in Kilwinning, Scotland which is about a 24 hour flight from Sydney, Australia. 

AC/DC

 

 


Malcolm and Angus Young were born in Glasgow, Scotland

The Bee Gees

 

 

 

The Bee Gees started their career in Australia but the Gibb brothers were born in England… 

Julia Gillard – Current Australian Prime Minister 

 

Remember when I brought up the birth certificate issues that have plagued the sitting President of the United States of America?  It’s a sealed deal, he was born in Hawaii but imagine letting someone run your country that wasn’t born there?  Australia’s current Prime Minister is Julia Gillard, she was admittedly born in Barry, Wales, United Kingdom in September of 1961.  She doesn’t even try to hide the fact that she isn’t Aussie born and everyone seems cool with it… 

Hugh Jackman

Aussie born (Sydney - October 12^th 1968).  He was born to English immigrant parents and three of his four siblings were born in the UK.  But fair is fair, he was born in Australia so they can rightfully claim him. 

Heath Ledger

 

I will definitely not overlook the actor that played the best Batman villain of all time, Heath Ledger was an amazing actor who was born in Perth (western Australia) in 1979 and unfortunately met his demise in 2008 after his massage therapist found him lifeless in bed and immediately rang Mary-Kate Olsen for help!  Medical emergency, call Mary-Kate Olsen?  Quick thinking and maybe giving 911 a ring might have saved this Aussie born actors life… 

My next task is to debunk the genealogy of the Kangaroo and the Koala Bear which is not really even a bear, there is no end to Aussie misconceptions!