Around 4:45pm on Friday’s the entire office staff pour into
the boardroom and hallway that lead to the boardroom and get ready for the End
of Week Wrap-up meeting which is accompanied by more beer/wine and food.
The director gives an insight into business conditions overall and then there
are individual team reports.
All of what I just told you doesn’t really matter, it just
sets the scene for the most ridiculous shit I have ever seen.
Most people enjoy a beer or two, or a glass of wine or two
and maybe have some chips and dip or cheese and crackers and leave it at
that. Then there are the animals in the office that think that the snack
food is their dinner and just sit around the boardroom table chomping away
throughout the meeting. It got so bad last week that someone had to put
up the ‘I need one minute to finish my food’ finger and then polished off their
glass of wine before giving their team report. By the way the team
reports go in the same order every single week so there is no way you can get
caught off guard.
If that behaviour isn’t bad enough for you than this will be
right up your alley. Beers go pretty quick and there aren’t enough to
really do any damage so we can rule the guys in the office out of this
“Hypothetical” experience. There are times when a certain few chicks in
the office take it upon themselves to fucking finish every last drop of wine
from every bottle on the table, while they have the bottle completely upside
down letting the every last little bit of the nectar of the God’s drip into
their glass they are using their off hand to pick up any last crumbs they can
from the chip bowls they already cleaned out 5 minutes prior.
Wow, pretty bad huh…. It’s not over yet. In a
last ditch effort to “Keep the party going” in the middle of the boardroom one
of the pack will hop up and make a drunken zig-zag dash to the office kitchen
fridge to see if there is a rogue bottle of wine hanging around just waiting to
push all their blood alchohol contents higher than their college GPA’s.
Long story short, the food, beer and wine are supposed to be
there for a pick-me-up after a long week, a really nice gesture from a
privately owned company for the hard work the team puts in. It is not
there to have a fucking full-on feed, it’s not your dinner! Hell if you
want to get blasted on a Friday night (I am not judging as I have been there
before and will be going there again) then head to the pub and for fuck sake if
you are with work mates don’t talk shop!
Who I am to judge though, one Friday meeting I was the one
that brought in my very own martini glass, silver drink mixed, and proceeded to
pour myself a nicely chilled and shaken Belvedere vodka martini with three
olives on a toothpick, no detail was forgotten. So maybe I am just as
much of an animal as the rest of them… Maybe I just do it in a more
refined way.
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